Get Out Of My Face

If a sucker is born every minute, it won't have been a preemie. My little guy's sucking reflex was not particularly strong, plus he was instantly suspicious of the aftermarket NG tube those doctors installed on his face. In fact, he was convinced that the teeny tiny tube slithering up his nose and into his stomach was a poor execution of a really bad idea. He made a career out of ripping them loose.

The tube is an alternate fuel delivery system. After a round of half-hearted nursing, you can supplement with a syringe full of formula. It works great until your two week old bundle of joy figures out the whole boob = food concept. Then you're not saving him from starvation anymore...you're overfeeding him until he vomits.

So, just for the record: *spit-up* is normal. It's that little urp saying, "I think I'm full now, thanks for lunch...here's your tip." When Baby's head spins and disembodied voices possess his vocal cords...not normal. When he morphs into a milk-spewing volcano...not normal. When he gets all freaked out at feedings because he knows you're going to try to drown him from within...definitely not normal.

The NICU staff wouldn't believe me when I said he didn't need the tube any more. They wouldn't weigh him before and after feeds to see if he got enough. They based their entire rationale on whether or not he put on weight fast enough. They built the foundation of this argument on expectations of average sized children and he is not. He was having problems, but not the typical ones they were looking for. I hate medical staff who don't listen to parents.

This goes into one of those kidney-shaped emesis basins they give you in the hospital. I'll seal it in a zip-loc bag and airmail it back to the docs.